There has been a story that i've wanted to tell for a long time and I am going to tell that story in 3 parts. This first section of my story, has been shared a few times over various platforms. I have shared it on The She Laughs Project, my Instagram, and even on my blog. There are a few new faces here and I wanted to share in detail my story for those who may never have heard it and pray that it blesses everyone involved.
In high school, I was never in a relationship and of course, at 14 years old, not having a boyfriend is a huge deal! In my sophomore year, I was so desperate to have a boyfriend but no guys liked me and so I resulted to thinking that there was something wrong with me. The Lord showed me at age 16 that He was protecting me and that's the reason why the boys at my school didn't like me. I always questioned why I needed to be protected, maybe it was because the Lord knew how far I would be tempted if I were in a relationship, so He is keeping me from having one. That was the story I stuck with and I made a commitment to myself and the Lord on that day, that I would be in one relationship in my lifetime and it would be the man I was going to marry one day.
In my junior and beginning of my senior year of high school I began to think that dating at my age was just pointless because what are the odds that I would marry one of those boys in my class (we had 9 boys in my class so the chances were very, very slim). I knew that a relationship was going to lead to one of two things, I will either end up marrying that person or break up with them and end up heartbroken. Even though I knew I was saving myself and I knew that dating in high school was pointless, the desire to be in a relationship didn't disappear, if anything it grew more!
Towards the end of my senior year, I lost site of the commitment I made to my self and to the Lord and gave a little too much of my heart away to a boy that I knew for a fact was not going to end up being my future husband. Thankfully, it wasn't a huge, long relationship and it was more of a fling and not serious enough to call it a relationship but even so, I ended up hurt. After my short detour, I immediately set my heart back on my calling and I wanted to save myself the hurt that relationships can bring and save my heart for the man that I would one day marry. I wrote more about this particular part of my story over on The She Laughs Project so I encourage you to check that out too!
After my senior year, it was a long process of healing because not only did I give apart of my heart away, I also was deliberately disobeying the Lord during this time. During my "relationship" with this boy, I knew from the first second I shouldn't be entering into what I was about to enter in to with him. The Lord's voice was so loud in my head, telling me to end it and I wouldn't. I wish so bad that I would have listened to the Lord, to save myself a lot of hurt, but I know that even though I would have been better off listening to the Lord that He still used it in my life. I not only had to heal from a broken heart but I had to heal from the sin I was in and rebuild my relationship with the Lord, which was the hardest part of it all, I had to rebuild that trust and closeness I had with Him.
It was a long and hard process to come to a place where I was content in the season of singleness. You always hear so many people say "in the exact moment you can honestly say 'Lord even if you never bring someone to me, I will be okay because you are enough' is the exact moment that He will bring you someone or your person." If I can be completely honest, I knew that was never going to be possible for me to say because the desire to be married and to meet my future husband was so strong in me that it would never just go away. I had to come to a place where I had to confess I would never be content being single but I can be content in the fact that the Lord had me in that season for a reason and in His perfect timing, He would bring my future husband into my life and trust that fact...
I hope that part one of this story was used to bless you maybe if you are in a season of singleness and you are discontent in it, or maybe you are in a season of running from the Lord and running from what you know He is calling you to do, just know His Will is better than what we could have for ourselves and He has our best intentions in mind for us. If I had listened to the Lord I would have saved myself from so much hurt and disappointment. Whatever the situation may be in your life I pray that this post was able to be used to target that specific area.
If you want to ask me further questions or just want to chat please email me, I would love, love, love to talk to you!